safariCUM sevens
safariCUM(Complete Utter Muenjoyos) sevens
Day one – Friday
Usi-Tense
I decided to watch the school qualifiers so I took Friday off. Only company I could get was, of course, minimum entry criteria (i.e. has completed two national exams). Sample the text exchange which I’ve interpreted for older readers ;):
Chica: Lupa ma dia (What’s up my dear)
Milo: Ambapo ambapite? (Wassup)
Chica: Stil goin 4 e gem (Still going for the game)
Milo: Fcos. G8tn l8. Wea u? (Of course. It’s getting late. Where are you?)
Chica: Usi-tense on ma way. Sem plc r8? (Relax (Don’t be tense) I’m on my way. Same place right?)
We hook up in Westlands and head off towards KRFUEA with a maximum of speed, minimum of delay.
Mteja7s
We get to the place and find season tickets are sold out. How now? What the Cuff? A ploy to get us to spend more money I’m sure. Damn. Individual tickets are bought and we are inside. I’m loving the new stands as there is more than adequate sitting space.
Shock on us!!! There is no booze!!! Chikombeless 7s. Surely!!!!
Safaricom message: “twasikitika, pombe uliyoitisha haipatikani kwa sasa. Tafadari-pris jaribu never” Arrrgh!!!! WankTards!
We watch the Nairobi-Western match (Jeff Kweynengay mangled facial expressions: What a game! What a match!). We decide to leave thereafter given that Coca Cola is rumored to be bad for the teeth.
Bamba Twenty Young
End up at Tams that night. Man-One in the spirit of ordering a sixteenth of Nyama and inviting 10 guys, brings one Bamba Twenty Young (BTY) and invites the whole crew nkt!! Luckily Bila Nyas shows up and soon the ratio evens out. Heh, but si BTY is hottest, mambo baddest! I embark on my panel-beating/wheel-alignment endeavours but the situation is ambiguous as to the colonial powers and the colonies. Efforts to find BTY a new home for the night are fruitless and Rezorus receives a new dancer for the night. Cinderella leaves her glass slipper in my car. A coward lives to fight another day so I head off home nursing a bone… er… hangi.
Editor's addition: And with that died my hopes of her blowing my vuvuzela vuvuzealously at least temporarily :(
Day Two – Saturday
Case of the XFactor
Starts off chilled given I am meeting up with the Ex so it’s intelligent conversation and watching of games. Don’t you hate it when the Ex looks better than when you were with them grrrrr!!!
Wako juu ka Kipara ya M-Joseph (XFactor 2010)
Finally SafCom are allowing booze at the stands so the spree begins. Duty calls and XFactor is off so its no holds barred.
Mlolongo System
BTY flashes. I call back but can’t hear a thing above the Kenya-eeeeeehs, Kenya-aaaaahs. I text in coded language:
Milo: ?
BTY: Village
Milo: We dwn?
BTY: Cum wi tok
I arrive at the village to find a mlolongo system of the single-party era. BTY is being trailed by two dudes offering Biden-like security. I decide to be loose like a goose and vamoose. Chick insists on flashing.
The Proposed Draft
I call back and agree to vote “Yes” if the contentious clause of “si lazima tu-do” is removed. Chick agrees on phone but the clause is secretly re-inserted at the printers. Aarrrrgh, I disappear again and end up having a blast elsewhere with pals
Day Three – Sunday
XFactor II
Catch up again with XFactor kidogo and mainly watch rugby. Getting marinated nicelllllllly….
Storm is over now
My boys show up just when a chick who’d sold me rugby t-shirts is giving me vibe. The boys are on my case!!! Wacha tu she leaves. Sawa amechapa akachapika but then two similar chicks show up to greet them mfululizo. LMAO si I died. Hahahahaha guys!!!
Gap Analysis
End up at Tams again just to find Arabo-Kyuk sista in the house. And si she is looking fwynest!!! We catching up with her when BTY aka Cinderella calls looking for her glass slipper. And doesn’t she show up with Ms Rwanda twololo. And she has a gap!! Uwi I’m a sucker for gaps. Ala, si now Gap Analysis is busy leaning on my shoulder. Laughing and placing her soft, oh so soft, hands all over. My trouser begins to bulge. She gives me a ka-naughty smile and proceeds to unleash more of the same bila fear or favour. Kusemeko kweli, ma-youth watatumaliza….
The rest of the story is censored in the interest of national security hahahahaha!
Day one – Friday
Usi-Tense
I decided to watch the school qualifiers so I took Friday off. Only company I could get was, of course, minimum entry criteria (i.e. has completed two national exams). Sample the text exchange which I’ve interpreted for older readers ;):
Chica: Lupa ma dia (What’s up my dear)
Milo: Ambapo ambapite? (Wassup)
Chica: Stil goin 4 e gem (Still going for the game)
Milo: Fcos. G8tn l8. Wea u? (Of course. It’s getting late. Where are you?)
Chica: Usi-tense on ma way. Sem plc r8? (Relax (Don’t be tense) I’m on my way. Same place right?)
We hook up in Westlands and head off towards KRFUEA with a maximum of speed, minimum of delay.
Mteja7s
We get to the place and find season tickets are sold out. How now? What the Cuff? A ploy to get us to spend more money I’m sure. Damn. Individual tickets are bought and we are inside. I’m loving the new stands as there is more than adequate sitting space.
Shock on us!!! There is no booze!!! Chikombeless 7s. Surely!!!!
Safaricom message: “twasikitika, pombe uliyoitisha haipatikani kwa sasa. Tafadari-pris jaribu never” Arrrgh!!!! WankTards!
We watch the Nairobi-Western match (Jeff Kweynengay mangled facial expressions: What a game! What a match!). We decide to leave thereafter given that Coca Cola is rumored to be bad for the teeth.
Bamba Twenty Young
End up at Tams that night. Man-One in the spirit of ordering a sixteenth of Nyama and inviting 10 guys, brings one Bamba Twenty Young (BTY) and invites the whole crew nkt!! Luckily Bila Nyas shows up and soon the ratio evens out. Heh, but si BTY is hottest, mambo baddest! I embark on my panel-beating/wheel-alignment endeavours but the situation is ambiguous as to the colonial powers and the colonies. Efforts to find BTY a new home for the night are fruitless and Rezorus receives a new dancer for the night. Cinderella leaves her glass slipper in my car. A coward lives to fight another day so I head off home nursing a bone… er… hangi.
Editor's addition: And with that died my hopes of her blowing my vuvuzela vuvuzealously at least temporarily :(
Day Two – Saturday
Case of the XFactor
Starts off chilled given I am meeting up with the Ex so it’s intelligent conversation and watching of games. Don’t you hate it when the Ex looks better than when you were with them grrrrr!!!
Wako juu ka Kipara ya M-Joseph (XFactor 2010)
Finally SafCom are allowing booze at the stands so the spree begins. Duty calls and XFactor is off so its no holds barred.
Mlolongo System
BTY flashes. I call back but can’t hear a thing above the Kenya-eeeeeehs, Kenya-aaaaahs. I text in coded language:
Milo: ?
BTY: Village
Milo: We dwn?
BTY: Cum wi tok
I arrive at the village to find a mlolongo system of the single-party era. BTY is being trailed by two dudes offering Biden-like security. I decide to be loose like a goose and vamoose. Chick insists on flashing.
The Proposed Draft
I call back and agree to vote “Yes” if the contentious clause of “si lazima tu-do” is removed. Chick agrees on phone but the clause is secretly re-inserted at the printers. Aarrrrgh, I disappear again and end up having a blast elsewhere with pals
Day Three – Sunday
XFactor II
Catch up again with XFactor kidogo and mainly watch rugby. Getting marinated nicelllllllly….
Storm is over now
My boys show up just when a chick who’d sold me rugby t-shirts is giving me vibe. The boys are on my case!!! Wacha tu she leaves. Sawa amechapa akachapika but then two similar chicks show up to greet them mfululizo. LMAO si I died. Hahahahaha guys!!!
Gap Analysis
End up at Tams again just to find Arabo-Kyuk sista in the house. And si she is looking fwynest!!! We catching up with her when BTY aka Cinderella calls looking for her glass slipper. And doesn’t she show up with Ms Rwanda twololo. And she has a gap!! Uwi I’m a sucker for gaps. Ala, si now Gap Analysis is busy leaning on my shoulder. Laughing and placing her soft, oh so soft, hands all over. My trouser begins to bulge. She gives me a ka-naughty smile and proceeds to unleash more of the same bila fear or favour. Kusemeko kweli, ma-youth watatumaliza….
The rest of the story is censored in the interest of national security hahahahaha!
posted by Milonare at 12:48 PM
16 Comments:
My friend uko na talent, I hav chekad madd!!
So you went home and performed a solo?
what's the colour of te togg???? aka austin powers fashjaa! brilliant!
Twololo, si hiyo stori yako ni ya vungu,
wee kwisha. Chekwa
@ujenzibora
ma-yout man hahaha.
We najua ulicharaz(w)a vilivyo
thanx for the laughs.
Will visit more often.
Haha!!
Aki wewe1!!!
Wattt Milo!!! Si ive chekad mpaka i can kufa.... Too much too much!
Ati Gap analysis? Juu kama kipara ya MJ?
Alafu hio txt lingua watttt!!!!
Milo, you are a sick sick Man!! lolest. I think I died and went to heaven!!
Gap analysis
Hilarious! Nice read
Lol! You have won again and again! Lakini bomseh has a legit question, you performed a solo? HA!
Thx guys
Want more time with parents and children with family? Can operate as long as the trivial time
Welcome to learn a simple understanding of free market
http://sn.im/vemma_usa
Thank you for your time reading, do not give up the chance to even know, know no loss to you!
How did I not see this before *DEAD* --->Rigormortis setting in.
Hi. New fan heHi. New fan here.re.
"Jeff Kweynengay"
Do you know it took me a minute... LOLOLOL! Wah!
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